Sunday, March 2, 2014

Wingnut Party Room!

In recognition of important historical milestones:

On February 27, 2014, the Tea Party Patriots celebrated its fifth birthday at the Hyatt Regency in Washington, DC. Highlights of the occasion included screechy Mark Levin (pronounced LaVeen) accepting the coveted Histrionics of the Year award for his frantic performance in a radio comedy program.

Levin took the podium and praised the Tea Party Patriots for their triumph of will and steadfastness in the face of tyranny and altogether awesomeness and accepted his award to great fanfare and was marched victorious from the stage by a Lilliputian color guard wearing felt tricorne hats and knee-breeches. After waving goodbye to the adoring audience he was led to a small Gala-Coupe carriage drawn by a team of noisy Pilgim Geese which waited to whisk him away into the sparkling winter evening of our nation's capitol.

The party had only begun.

Party goers were treated to a variety of fun and games and folk crafts (free rub-on Andrew Breitbart tatoos!) but also exercised their freedom of speech rights to express their dissatisfaction with Arizona's stalinist Governor Jan Brewer over her decision to veto the God given right of Arizona citizens to throw Marcus Bachmann out of a Christian bakery for behaving like a mincing fairy.

And stealth paleo-conservative, or third positionist, or whatever he is, Rand Paul implored the assembled masses to refrain from saying mean or stupid stuff about opponents (unless, presumably, you are talking about Bill or Hillary Clinton) or something. That didn't necessarily go over so well, the part about not saying mean or stupid stuff that is, but anyway...

The huge audience numbering well into the dozens (perhaps 15-80 thousand by Sean Hannity's estimates) cheered and booed and stomped about and demanded an end to Mrs. Obama's thuggish mommy-state tactic of cramming fresh vegetables down real American throats as well as expressing their objections to any domestic spending on socialistic home improvement and repair projects that do not involve mounting a rubber-band machine gun aboard a Fisher-Price Brute Force Power Wheels ride-on or securing an inflatable bouncy house replica of Ronald Reagan's Santa Barbara ranch in the back yard.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (son of Buller and Erma Sue Gohmert) of Texas wowsered the audience with an uplifting story of the power of prayer and Texas birth tourist Ted Cruz of Calgary, Canada reminded everyone that the right to carry a concealed pantload into schools and onto playgrounds was first secured by America's founding father of concealed number two amendment pantoload rights - the honorable Motor City Mad Shitter himself - one Theodore A. Nugent. Cruz reminded the crowd that  "liberty is never safer than when politicians are terrified," especially when they are terrified of some babbling nut packing a week old pantful of crap and a very crazy look in his eyes.

The crowd roared with approval and a pulsing chant of "TED! - TED! - TED!" filled the room. Although, it was unclear which Ted they were chanting for mostly on account of all the very crazy looks in the eyes of pretty much everyone in the room.

The event continued with visits from a number of other notable party rental clowns including Michele Bachmann of Minnesota and Mike Lee of Utah who agreed to lock Harry Reid up in his garage if Michele would agree to lock her husband up in a closet.

The evening concluded when a bumblebee with the face of John Boehner flew into the room and everyone began screaming and ran out of the building. Organizers later concluded that bumblebees are uncommon in Washington, DC in February and speculated that it may have been released into the crowd to foment an atmosphere terror by a member of the drive-by media or by femi-Nazis or homo-fascists or freemasons or subhuman atheist mongrels or radical global warmists or whatever.

But not to worry. It'll take more than a bumbling Bonerbee drone to scare away the true belivers for too long.

Another organized tantrum will follow on March 6-8 when the annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) convenes at the Gaylord National Resort & Convention Center in National Harbor, Maryland. 

Confirmed speakers will include Chris "Captain Traffic Cone" Christie, Rick Santorum, Donald Trump, Rand Paul, Wayne LaPierre, Sarah Palin, Ted Cruz and basically the usual assortment of slippery political mountebanks, grifters and merry-andrews.

Also scheduled, on the 6th at 6:30 pm, something called the "ACU 50 & Fabulous Concert Celebration Sponsored by Tea Party Patriots," and featuring a music act titled, appropriately enough, "Carolina Liar" will kick out the jams in the Potomac Ballroom until well past 8:15pm and then conclude at 8:30pm when everyone will wander off to the bar for white russians and nachos. And then wander back to the Potomac Ballroom around 8:45  to listen to Morton Blackwell wheeze on and on about Richard Viguerie's money faucet, Young Americans for Freedom, the 1964 Goldwater campaign (because what kind of self respecting gawd-fearin' patriotic student of Ronald Reaganism wouldn't want to sit through a 45 minute spellbinder about the untapped potential of direct mail activism in the early 1970s!) or whatever medley of disintegrating oldies Blackwell will likely spin for any 50 & Fabulous celebrants who don't decide instead to go back to their hotel rooms to watch Mob Wives at 9pm.

Of course we will probably never learn what happens between March 6 and 8 anyway - because by the time CPAC is in full swing Obama will have declared martial law, assumed dictatorial powers and turned the Gaylord Resort into an initial staging ground for FEMA camp relocations. So, after all is said and done, none of this will really amount to a hill of shitty beans.



pansypoo said...

how long did the know-nothings last?

the farmer said...

apparently, they're still here.


pansypoo said...

neo know-nothings i call them. lets make 2014 the death nell. the nothings lasted 5 years too.

pjk said...

Detroit's Big 3 have nothing on the CPAC clown car parade.

Nice segment by John Stewart lately about yhe Imperial presidency/tyrannical/dictator-like/wants-to-be-king regime in the US, whilst sporting a springer for a "strong leader" like Uncle Vladdy (as J. "Miss Budweiser" McCain rattles the sabres like Mr. Tambourine Man).

Gotta love the "mom jeans" talking point, too. That and Malasia airlines are s'posed-ta keep our minds off $5/lb hamburger and Mobil teaming up with Putin Oil Inc.

Give us back your (2000+) nukes, and you can have Crimea-

-we'll even sign the international treaty-

until we go on record as saying you stole it.

Not to steal the thunder of the para-'lympics, NASCAR, F1, spring training, draft day, missing airliners or marginally attractive white women.

Springtime for Russia? WI is bad enough; I'm guessing there's still permafrost on several hundred million urethras in the Motherland proper.

Why don't they try to forcibly hang onto the Muslim franchisees?

Hard to get all nationalistic unless there's something you want under that sacred (Russian!) soil.

pansypoo said...

ooh, you need HBO to REEEELY get pissed. need some sunshine on the new investigations in the Afghanistan reconstruction. i smell CIA dirty poo. who is getting the money?

pansypoo said...

the dirty snow part of spring.

pjk said...


Now we get rain & mud.

And melty-snow fog.

Good time to bring home a puppy!

Should be changing the overdue oil in the wife's car this weekend, but looks like MOL tax return takes priority.

We'll see how that goes. Writeoff by her Home Depot account to settle, etc. Or she could just hurt me to the core of my easily bruised fragile ego by taking them in to good-'ol H&R Block.

But that might cut in to the 20hr/wk job which justifies spending 25% per daily income on fast food, uh, rationale.

Badgers to the Quarterfinals; cool.

Gotta tell ya, it tends to piss me off when my supposed (day shift) manager cuts me off talking to the operator I'm following up on 2nd shift to talk about fucking brackets.

Really? Is that what makes that job worth 50+% more than mine?

Every guy in the turning department can drop a pretty damned good impression of the bullshit that spews from that piehole.

My job tends to resemble the situation one might hypothetically have experienced with a former mattress-wrestling partner who might not be best described as a "keeper".

More like Charles Audobon's Heavy Breasted Mattress Trasher.

Or, the used Audi 5000 Turbo I had years ago.

You're happy when things go at least as well as you might expect from a work/transportatio/skank planking scenario.

EC said it; Let's make the best of the situation, before I finally go insane.

Oh, wait I must have overslept- there's some plane missing?

This shouldn't be a story unless at least 10% of the passengers can provide tarty-looking photos of themselves.

Happy Thaw Weekend.

pansypoo said...

watching the grass turn green better for the soul.

pjk said...

Neighbors cutting down pine trees & burning leaves.

Another brake job on the wife's Buick- although it seemed to make it longer if you skip the occasional blast of wheel cleaner (I think if it eats brake pad & rotor buildup off your wheels, it also eats brake pads).

Finished hammerin' out the taxes. Either (a) I'm losing brain cells, (b) taxes or our tax issues are getting more complicated, (c) Turbotax is becoming less useful or (d) any or all of the above.

SURE, you can withdraw from your 401k for a financial hardship- but you still need to grab yer ankles for the extra taxes they hit you with. What sense does that make?

Like the dinkin' they did with capital gains on your home sale; make $250K? No Problem. Lose 5% of that? Too Bad.

My life is reminding me of a certain Limp Bizkit song lately.

Or the issues that the latest Ft. Hood guy was dealing with (excepting the imagined traumatic brain injury and PTSD claim).

Depression, anxiety, sleep disorder. It could be worse- I could wake up as Mrs. Duggar some day (what's a little bulimia when you have a kitchen and laundry setup like that?).

pansypoo said...

my brother who is tacking economics classes can do my pitiful taxes. i made him peanut butter cookies W/ peanuts.

pansypoo said...

SNOWED YESTERDAY + stayed most of today!

the farmer said...

snowed here today and tonight. when will it end? looks like maybe more this weekend too.


pansypoo said...

this year? maybe june.

pjk said...

Possible 12" up twds. Lake Superior tonight.

Better them than us!

Gotta get the old JD out of the back 40 and tube the rear tires.

Among other things. If I was loaded, I'd order up another electrostatic cluth with the hardware. I think my wife killed the Toro "personal Pace" FWD last year. Needs me somethin' that mows (and sweeps; that's another $100 for replacement plastic wheels).

Shouldn't the wear part that gives out when "someone" uses the lawn sweeper as a trailer, runs it through high grass & seizes things up and destroys it, be the friggin' drive gear?

No; that's an inch in diameter, and probably wouldn't set you back a C-note for both. Fuck it- eat the plastic gear on the wheel!

Just pipe-dreaming here. We still need to satisfy the local utility "franchise".

Perpetual Winter, indeed. I feel ready to follow Mary Shelly's lead re: writing Frankenstein in Europe's "year without a Summer".

I do believe that was the Krakatoa aftermath. More likely we'll see a Putin aftermath.

That's what ya get for giving up those nukes, Ukraine!

pansypoo said...

meanwhile, europe is starting summer fire season early.

i can still remember normal weather in the 80's.

pansypoo said...

looks like my extra fecund sunflower has left some sprouts. i saved a bud w/ seeds. now where do i put it?

the farmer said...

just don't put it outside... yet. god, its supposed to be 32 tonight. still cold out there by the lake? put it in a cup with some starter mix then transplant it outside after last frost. I got some "mexican sunflowers" coming up indoors now too. along with all the other babies.

i have a bunch of stuff for some blog posts too. so at some point soon - soon as i can get time - i'll post something new.


pansypoo said...

bit warmer here. lake effect. tho, we are stuck in 50's til today's 79.
i also planted sprouting onions. now what, do i harvest them like potatoes?

the farmer said...

80 yesterday. probably today too. you can harvest onions anytime you want. or you can tell they are done growing when the leaves turn brown and flop over.


pansypoo said...

so onions are like potatoes? an onion flowered last year.

the farmer said...

so onions are like potatoes

cept you should pull onions out of the ground soon after they are done growing otherwise they'll get mushy and rot. tatars you can leave in the dirt for a long time.


pansypoo said...

+ carrots. so i needed to pull the onion soon after the flower.

my 1st 2 transplanted sunflowers disappeared. fucking rabbits. OH! chicken wire!!!

pansypoo said...

roses survived better than the lavenders.

the farmer said...

yeah, if it flowers you should pull it up because its done growing. -- if its garlic you just cut off the flowers and the bulbs will continue to grow.

most lavender isn't very cold hardy. not like a lot of roses. but leave it alone, it might come back. i have a couple of scruffy lavender plants laying around and they always come around eventually but they never do very well. i think its too cold for em.


pansypoo said...

oh, the chicken wire worked. OH, was checking the garden. onions doing ok and LOW & BEHOLD, what did i spot. an onion i planted LAST year is up + looking good.

pansypoo said...

jeez the rhubarb shot out seed pods. ignoring the weather.

pansypoo said...

jeez the rhubarb shot out seed pods. ignoring the weather.

the farmer said...

mine too. but i cut them off. unless you want the seeds they drain energy away from the rest of the plant.


pansypoo said...

i do what grandpa did. i yank them off. planted my pole beans. rain coming. little late, but been cold. found some dried beans from last year while yanking down the old vines. planted the seeds just to see.