
Winter/Spring 2012 - Our Nation's Leading Woodchucks Reach A Decision
27 Woodchucks predict an early Spring (including Shubenacadie Sam of Novia Scotia).
10 Woodchucks (including Pencil Vannia's Punxsutawney Phil) predict 6 more weeks of Winter.
Technically Phil and the other 9 pessimistic woodchucks are correct. The first day of Spring this year is on March 20th. Which is over six weeks away, despite the temperature on the back porch. On the other hand, the other 27 rodents are also correct since Spring will arrive on the 20th of March this year (a day earlier) as opposed to the 21st of March as it sometimes decides to do in other years.
For the woodchucks, it's a heads we win tails you loose wager. You can't beat the woodchucks on this one. Even if you're buried in three feet of snow on March 25th.
Real woodchucks - the kind that don't live in fancy five star heated burrows who are woken up every February 2nd to entertain morons on behalf of the local Chamber of Commerce or some photographer working for a shitty Gannett newspaper - sleep right through the whole groundhog day bullshit until sometime in March or April when they wake up, take a pee, eat some grass, and run around trying to get laid. Because (despite the efforts of the local Chamber of Commerce and the Rick Perry GOP presidential nomination campaign) God hasn't come up with anything better for them to do in a very long time. We should all be so lucky.
Photo above: from my summer of 2010 documentary Woodchucks in the Midst - the summer i decided to go and live among the woodchucks (not the first or last time either) - a "real" woodchuck (aka: groundhog) sneaking around in the bush. Probably looking to score some zucchini blossoms. We should all be so lucky.
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