Sunday, March 2, 2014

Wingnut Party Room!

In recognition of important historical milestones:

On February 27, 2014, the Tea Party Patriots celebrated its fifth birthday at the Hyatt Regency in Washington, DC. Highlights of the occasion included screechy Mark Levin (pronounced LaVeen) accepting the coveted Histrionics of the Year award for his frantic performance in a radio comedy program.

Levin took the podium and praised the Tea Party Patriots for their triumph of will and steadfastness in the face of tyranny and altogether awesomeness and accepted his award to great fanfare and was marched victorious from the stage by a Lilliputian color guard wearing felt tricorne hats and knee-breeches. After waving goodbye to the adoring audience he was led to a small Gala-Coupe carriage drawn by a team of noisy Pilgim Geese which waited to whisk him away into the sparkling winter evening of our nation's capitol.

The party had only begun.

Party goers were treated to a variety of fun and games and folk crafts (free rub-on Andrew Breitbart tatoos!) but also exercised their freedom of speech rights to express their dissatisfaction with Arizona's stalinist Governor Jan Brewer over her decision to veto the God given right of Arizona citizens to throw Marcus Bachmann out of a Christian bakery for behaving like a mincing fairy.

And stealth paleo-conservative, or third positionist, or whatever he is, Rand Paul implored the assembled masses to refrain from saying mean or stupid stuff about opponents (unless, presumably, you are talking about Bill or Hillary Clinton) or something. That didn't necessarily go over so well, the part about not saying mean or stupid stuff that is, but anyway...

The huge audience numbering well into the dozens (perhaps 15-80 thousand by Sean Hannity's estimates) cheered and booed and stomped about and demanded an end to Mrs. Obama's thuggish mommy-state tactic of cramming fresh vegetables down real American throats as well as expressing their objections to any domestic spending on socialistic home improvement and repair projects that do not involve mounting a rubber-band machine gun aboard a Fisher-Price Brute Force Power Wheels ride-on or securing an inflatable bouncy house replica of Ronald Reagan's Santa Barbara ranch in the back yard.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (son of Buller and Erma Sue Gohmert) of Texas wowsered the audience with an uplifting story of the power of prayer and Texas birth tourist Ted Cruz of Calgary, Canada reminded everyone that the right to carry a concealed pantload into schools and onto playgrounds was first secured by America's founding father of concealed number two amendment pantoload rights - the honorable Motor City Mad Shitter himself - one Theodore A. Nugent. Cruz reminded the crowd that  "liberty is never safer than when politicians are terrified," especially when they are terrified of some babbling nut packing a week old pantful of crap and a very crazy look in his eyes.

The crowd roared with approval and a pulsing chant of "TED! - TED! - TED!" filled the room. Although, it was unclear which Ted they were chanting for mostly on account of all the very crazy looks in the eyes of pretty much everyone in the room.

The event continued with visits from a number of other notable party rental clowns including Michele Bachmann of Minnesota and Mike Lee of Utah who agreed to lock Harry Reid up in his garage if Michele would agree to lock her husband up in a closet.

The evening concluded when a bumblebee with the face of John Boehner flew into the room and everyone began screaming and ran out of the building. Organizers later concluded that bumblebees are uncommon in Washington, DC in February and speculated that it may have been released into the crowd to foment an atmosphere terror by a member of the drive-by media or by femi-Nazis or homo-fascists or freemasons or subhuman atheist mongrels or radical global warmists or whatever.

But not to worry. It'll take more than a bumbling Bonerbee drone to scare away the true belivers for too long.

Another organized tantrum will follow on March 6-8 when the annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) convenes at the Gaylord National Resort & Convention Center in National Harbor, Maryland. 

Confirmed speakers will include Chris "Captain Traffic Cone" Christie, Rick Santorum, Donald Trump, Rand Paul, Wayne LaPierre, Sarah Palin, Ted Cruz and basically the usual assortment of slippery political mountebanks, grifters and merry-andrews.

Also scheduled, on the 6th at 6:30 pm, something called the "ACU 50 & Fabulous Concert Celebration Sponsored by Tea Party Patriots," and featuring a music act titled, appropriately enough, "Carolina Liar" will kick out the jams in the Potomac Ballroom until well past 8:15pm and then conclude at 8:30pm when everyone will wander off to the bar for white russians and nachos. And then wander back to the Potomac Ballroom around 8:45  to listen to Morton Blackwell wheeze on and on about Richard Viguerie's money faucet, Young Americans for Freedom, the 1964 Goldwater campaign (because what kind of self respecting gawd-fearin' patriotic student of Ronald Reaganism wouldn't want to sit through a 45 minute spellbinder about the untapped potential of direct mail activism in the early 1970s!) or whatever medley of disintegrating oldies Blackwell will likely spin for any 50 & Fabulous celebrants who don't decide instead to go back to their hotel rooms to watch Mob Wives at 9pm.

Of course we will probably never learn what happens between March 6 and 8 anyway - because by the time CPAC is in full swing Obama will have declared martial law, assumed dictatorial powers and turned the Gaylord Resort into an initial staging ground for FEMA camp relocations. So, after all is said and done, none of this will really amount to a hill of shitty beans.


Friday, February 28, 2014

Never Mind The Buttocks

The latest issue of the New Yorker magazine contains a Talk of the Town entry about Governor Chris Christie's and David Wildstein's high school daze. Wherein we hear from former classmates of Christie who inform us:

"We used to call him Buttocks"
Early political accomplishments included establishing a "free lunch" period at school and organizing a boycott of the Heritage Diner when it kicked out his friends. He looked different than he does now. "Lanky," Slotnick said, describing the Governor's high-school physique. On the field, he said, "we used to call him Buttocks." 
Buttocks, like the man he grew up to be, was used to getting his way.

And, on Wildstein:
"I don't remember him," someone wrote. Others offered vague recollections: "They lived on Shrewsbury Ave." 
"He was the kind of kid who you would want to wedgie."

[Revenge of the Nerds by Lizzie Widdicombe, The New Yorker magazine, March 3, 2014.]
That Heritage Diner shakedown sounds like familiar territory these days, dun'it? And the free lunches obviously paid off. But, this time around, it looks like Wally Edge Wildstein might get the chance to even the score on the wedgies.

Wedgie Wildstein and The Buttocks

Side A:
The Wreck of the Wally Edge
Huk-A-Poo Shirt Sale
Livingston High Lunchroom Liberation Day
Shrewsbury Avenue Breakdown
Port Authority Blockwart
Traffic Cone Blues
The Seige of Fort Lee
Rabbi Delayed
Broken in Hoboken
Little Serbian

Side B:
Helicopter Ride To The Party House
Sandy In My Buffalo Shoes
Officially Pissed Off
Hug-O-Bama Boardwalk Drama
Got It!
Samson and Pariah
Phony Baroni
Sharpie Marker Email Massacre
Throw Bridget Overboard
A Bridge Too Far
Inmate Information Handbook


Saturday, February 22, 2014

Ted Nugent Quacks Like A Nazi

If it quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck.

The rotten visage of Julius Streicher joins Ted Nugent onstage in Texas.
"I have obviously failed to galvanize and prod, if not shame enough Americans to be ever vigilant not to let a Chicago communist-raised, communist-educated, communist-nurtured subhuman mongrel like the ACORN community organizer gangster Barack Hussein Obama to weasel his way into the top office of authority in the United States of America" ~ Ted Nugent (January 14, 2014; Las Vegas, Nevada)


So Greg Abbott had a fun week hanging out with his friend Ted Nugent in the Mockingbird State. That is, if your idea of a good time is hanging around with a reprobate child molester who likes to talk like a Nazi.

According to "an Abbott spokesman" - because apparently Gregg Abbott can't speak for himself - the Texas guv candidate doesn't have a problem with the Rock City Motormouth strumming old Nazi inspired chords as long as the Noodge-Waffen remains relatively unlocked and unloaded during any future mass rallies and/or beery town hall rebellions on behalf of der kandidat.

Explains Mark Zandar from the LA Times:
The Abbott campaign released a statement Monday putting a bit of distance between the candidate and Nugent’s piquant opinions, if not the man himself. “Ted Nugent is a forceful advocate for individual liberty and constitutional rights -- especially the 2nd Amendment rights cherished by Texans,” said Matt Hirsch, an Abbott spokesman. “While he may sometimes say things or use language that Greg Abbott would not endorse or agree with, we appreciate the support of everyone who supports protecting our Constitution.” ~ Mark Zandar, LA Times

Piquant? Mark Zandar thinks Nugent's opinions are piquant? Here's the definition of piquant from the Merriam Webster Dictionary online:
Having a pleasant, spicy taste - interesting and exciting - agreeably stimulating to the palate; especially - spicy - engagingly provocative; also, having a lively arch charm"

In any case, the Greg Abbott campaign apparently agreed that Herr Nugent could provide just the right amount of lively opinions cherished by any boing-eyed Texas moron who might happen to show up to sample the piquancy or bask in the general overall lively arch charm that accompanies Ted Nugent like stink on a maggot.

UPDATE: "Reporters in Tyler tried to ask Abbott on Wednesday about his decision to invite Nugent to campaign with him. But the attorney general fled to a waiting car..."
Greg Abbott flees reporter questions about Ted Nugent... - By Wayne Slater -

It would appear that responding to questions from reporters inquiring into Mr Nugent's piquancy doesn't agreeably stimulate attorney general Abbott's courageous palate. Especially when those questions might sound something like this: "Mr Abbott, what's it like...Palling Around With Julius Streicher?


When the unleashed subhumans rambled murdering through the streets, the deputies hid behind a chimney in the Bavarian parliament. ~ Juliius Streicher; 1927.

If you know these things, the question has enormous importance: who will be the judge in the future? It is not trivial, who is the judge. It's not sufficient to dress somebody in a robe, put a beret on his head and open the lawbook! It's a big difference whether a German or a negro takes place on the judgement seat. Sure, you can teach a negro the German language, the schematic application of laws and paragraphs -- and yet the negro will always judge like his blood commands!   ~ Julius Streicher; 1926.

Via the Holocaust Research Project:
Streicher reached millions of Germans, through his newspaper columns, and his endless speaking tours imbuing them, with his own poisonous brew of hatred, sadism and perversity. [...]


One of Streicher’s most enthusiastic readers was Adolf Hitler, who declared that Der Sturmer was the only paper which he read avidly from first to last page. Undoubtedly the Fuhrer protected Streicher raising him to high office and praising him as the “friend and comrade in arms” who never wavered and would unflinchingly stand behind him in every situation.”

Although aware of Streicher’s widespread unpopularity and unsavoury reputation, Hitler regarded him as a man of spirit, extremely useful, if not irreplaceable. He considered the Franconian Gauleiter’s primitive methods to be very effective especially appealing to the ordinary man in the street.

Friends and Comrades in Arms

New York Times - Feb. 19, 2014
...Mr. Abbott defended the move, calling Mr. Nugent at the first of two campaign events a “fighter for freedom.” Mr. Nugent, speaking at that event to a crowd of Mr. Abbott’s supporters at a restaurant in the Dallas suburb of Denton, said the attorney general was “my friend” and “my blood brother".

CNN's Wolf Blitzer picked up on Nugent's references to subhumans and accurately pointed out that the term untermensch, meaning subhuman, was widely used by Nazi propagandists to depict Jews and others not acceptable to the Nazi party's ideals.

A pamphlet titled Der Untermensch was published in 1942 by Heinrich Himmler's SS-Office in Berlin. Within this pamphlet there contains the following (excerpts):
Just as the night rises against the day, the light and dark are in eternal conflict. So too, is the subhuman the greatest enemy of the dominant species on earth, mankind. The subhuman is a biological creature, crafted by nature, which has hands, legs, eyes and mouth, even the semblance of a brain. Nevertheless, this terrible creature is only a partial human being.

Although it has features similar to a human, the subhuman is lower on the spiritual and psychological scale than any animal. Inside of this creature lies wild and unrestrained passions: an incessant need to destroy, filled with the most primitive desires, chaos and coldhearted villainy.

A subhuman and nothing more!
Not all of those, who appear human are in fact so. Woe to him who forgets it! [...]


However, along side of mankind dwells the subhuman. This subhuman hates all that is created by man. This subhuman has always hated man, and always secretly sought to bring about his downfall, first like a thief, and then like a brazen killer.

The subhuman is united with his peers. Like beasts among beasts, never knowing peace or calm. The subhuman thrives in chaos and darkness, he is frightened by the light. These subhuman creatures dwell in the cesspools, and swamps, preferring a hell on earth, to the light of the sun.

But in these swamps and cesspools the subhuman has found its leader – The Eternal Jew! The Jew understands the desires and needs of his fellow creature. The Jews endeavors to corrupt and manipulate this horror of inhumanity until they are rallied towards a common goal in the destruction of true man.


The subhuman hordes would stop at nothing in their bid to overthrow the world of light and knowledge, to bring an apocalypse to all human progress and achievement. Their only goal is to make a desert wasteland of any nation or race that shines with creativity, goodness and beauty.

The only goal of the subhuman is chaos.


Mulattos and Finn-Asian barbarians, Gipsy’s and black skin savages all make up this modern underworld of subhuman’s that is always headed by the appearance of the eternal Jew.

The desire of the subhuman is for the German peasant, and all the people of the Europe to be destroyed and completely eradicated from the face of the earth.

This is the price of “humanity“. This is the fate of civilized society, to be sacrificed in blood.


The subhuman will always be a subhuman, as a Jew remains a Jew, no matter by what name they call themselves: Churchill, Roosevelt, or Stalin.


Ted Nugent isn't the only cankered Right-wing diarrhea pipe leaching this kind of neo-fascistic sewage into our national discourse. Too many to catalog here in this post but Henry Ford was certainly an early example.

Meanwhile, Nugent has issued an apology for his "sub-human mongrel" comment made in an interview in Las Vegas in January. During an interview with CNN host Ben Ferguson on Friday Nugent announced:
"I do apologize – not necessarily to the President – but on behalf of much better men than myself," [...] "for using the streetfighter terminology of 'subhuman mongrel' instead of just using more understandable language, such as 'violator of his oath to the Constitution'" - "I will try to elevate my vernacular to the level of those great men that I'm learning from in the world of politics."

Yeah, Ted Nugent, street fighter. Because barking insults into a video camera at a convention center in Las Vegas or popping off from some campaign rally stage in the parking lot of a Mexican restaurant in Denton Texas or over an online Twitter feed is really street fighing territory. Sure. The way shooting a fat sleepy bear sitting next to a pile of day old donuts from the front seat of a pickup truck is really hunting.

Furthermore, the use of "streetfighter" terminology isn't the issue here. The issue is the use of old racist Nazi party (and Ku Klux Klan) propaganda terminology. There is nothing to indicate from Nugent's rambling so called apology that Nugent is smart enough to grasp the difference.

But don't worry Ted, I think most of us understand you just fine. I think we have a pretty good idea who those "great men... in the world of politics" are (were) - from which you've "elevated" your "venacular". So don't get your Sam Browne belt all in a twist trying to dislodge your jackboot from your windy blowhole. We wouldn't recognize you without your foot in your mouth and neither would your tea bagger party pals. Everyone shows up to see Ted Nugent put his foot in his mouth. What else is there to see? Afterall, that's been your entire act for years.

And don't tread all over your own constitution just because some silly political pimple like Rand Paul (the son of the guy who published batty racist screeds calling Martin Luther King Jr. a "pro-communist philanderer" a “lying socialist satyr" and a pedophile) attempt to galvanize and prod you to holster your inner Walther P38. Remember Sarah Palin's screechy directive, "don't retreat, reload!"
Dr. Ron Paul's Freedom Report

Just be careful, you don't want to shoot yourself in the tea bags. Because then there would be a nasty rumor going around that Ted Nugent is one tea bag short of a full cup. If ya know what I mean.

And I gotta' believe that the pedophile charge Ron Paul circulated against MLK might ring a couple of terminological ding-dong bells in the Noodge's own hollow skull if he listened closely enough. That is, in the event the words pedophile and Ted Nugent should happen to pop up in close proximity to each other. Maybe violator would be Ted's preferred elevated venacular in that case. Or penetrator.

In any event, I'm sure Nugent will be back soon with more fancy foot-in-mouth work and interesting elevated vernacular harangues on behalf of blood and brotherhood and general altogether boorish behavior. The guy is just too god-damned stupid to know any better.

In the early morning hours there's a din in the air;
mayhem's on the loose.
Stormtroopers comin', and you better be prepared.
~ Ted Nugent, Stormtroopin (1975)


...Nazism permeated the flesh and blood of the people through single words, idioms and sentence structures which were imposed on them in a million repetitions and taken on board mechanically and unconsciously. . . language does not simply write and think for me, it also increasingly dictates my feelings and governs my entire spiritual being the more unquestioningly and unconsciously I abandon myself to it.

And what happens if the cultivated language is made up of poisonous elements or has been made the bearer of poisons? Words can be like tiny doses of arsenic: they are swallowed unnoticed, appear to have no effect, and then after a little time the toxic reaction sets in after all. ~ Victor Klemperer, The Language of the Third Reich: A Philologist's Notebook

The Bolsheviks will hang you one day! ~ Julius Streicher's last declaration before being executed (by the US Army) in Nuremberg Prison, October 16, 1946.

~::~::~  MONGREL  ~::~::~

"The Jew is a mongrel. He has hereditary tendencies from Aryans, Asiatics, Negroes, and from the Mongolians. Evil always preponderates in the case of the mongrel." 

This statement above, frequently attributed to Julius Streicher, is actually from a letter/composition titled "The Jews are our Misfortune" submitted to Streicher's Der Sturmer by a reader named Erna Listing.
Dear Sturmer,
Gau Leader Streicher has told us so much about the Jews that we hate them quite thoroughly. In school we wrote a composition under the title 'The Jews are our Misfortune.' I should like to see my composition in print.

Der Sturmer provided a postscript to the letter thanking Listing for her submission:
Like us, all readers of the Sturmer will rejoice at what Erna has to say in her school composition. The Sturmer has given Erna a little Christmas present.
Listing's letter was reproduced in full by Erika Mann (daughter of Thomas Mann) in her book Barbarians; Education Under the Nazis, published in 1938.


Saturday, February 1, 2014

Famous New Jersey Balloon Disasters

MSNBC Morning Joe host Joe Scarborough can't bear to watch as his giddy dream of one day becoming White House Press Secretary in a Chris Christie administration goes down in a firey hissing ball of hot gas and hubris.


Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Monday, November 4, 2013

Sucker Darts at Dawn

Kentucky Thwackobird Rand Paul, after loosing his duel challenge to Rachel Maddow, must confess that he  lifted the entire idea for the duel from Zell Miller.

Miller angrily told [Chris] Matthews to "get out of my face," and declared: "I wish we lived in the day where you could challenge a person to a duel." Wiki

Thursday, October 31, 2013

95 years

Text Reads:

NOTICE: The holder of this pass agrees to pay 2 cents to the Club each time same is presented for admission to the park, which will entitle the holder to what is known as a 77 cent seat, conditioned that the holder is also to pay to the Club for the Government a War Tax of 8 cents each time this pass is presented for admission, making a total of 10 Cents.


Thursday, October 3, 2013