Friday, February 28, 2014

Never Mind The Buttocks

The latest issue of the New Yorker magazine contains a Talk of the Town entry about Governor Chris Christie's and David Wildstein's high school daze. Wherein we hear from former classmates of Christie who inform us:

"We used to call him Buttocks"
Early political accomplishments included establishing a "free lunch" period at school and organizing a boycott of the Heritage Diner when it kicked out his friends. He looked different than he does now. "Lanky," Slotnick said, describing the Governor's high-school physique. On the field, he said, "we used to call him Buttocks." 
Buttocks, like the man he grew up to be, was used to getting his way.

And, on Wildstein:
"I don't remember him," someone wrote. Others offered vague recollections: "They lived on Shrewsbury Ave." 
"He was the kind of kid who you would want to wedgie."

[Revenge of the Nerds by Lizzie Widdicombe, The New Yorker magazine, March 3, 2014.]
That Heritage Diner shakedown sounds like familiar territory these days, dun'it? And the free lunches obviously paid off. But, this time around, it looks like Wally Edge Wildstein might get the chance to even the score on the wedgies.

Wedgie Wildstein and The Buttocks

Side A:
The Wreck of the Wally Edge
Huk-A-Poo Shirt Sale
Livingston High Lunchroom Liberation Day
Shrewsbury Avenue Breakdown
Port Authority Blockwart
Traffic Cone Blues
The Seige of Fort Lee
Rabbi Delayed
Broken in Hoboken
Little Serbian

Side B:
Helicopter Ride To The Party House
Sandy In My Buffalo Shoes
Officially Pissed Off
Hug-O-Bama Boardwalk Drama
Got It!
Samson and Pariah
Phony Baroni
Sharpie Marker Email Massacre
Throw Bridget Overboard
A Bridge Too Far
Inmate Information Handbook



pansypoo said...

why do assholes lose only in the movies?

pjk said...

They lose at a reduced (or shall we say, discounted) rate per capita in real life, pansy.

Like the pawn shop guy in MIB #1 who can grow another head in short order after the last one gets blown off.

Worse than a drug cartel, because they carry water for, and briefcases full-'o-cash from this country's LEGAL cartels.

Maybe we could get a fair comparison by equating all flag-wavin, Tea Baggers to terrorists- because they're pretty much fundamentalist extremists, are they not?

No- they're PATRIOTS, I tell you!

It's funny, but I don't remember the American History about how the Founding DoucheBags played a pivotal role in freeing us from the yoke of tyranny.

Lastly- how is it that people in about our same financial situation can beleive that the party of Tax Cuts Uber Alles, Drown gov't in a bathtub, and Social (Funded by us, if not by them) insurance programs are "entitlements" actually believe any one of these pricks gives a percentage of a rat's ass about them?