Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Holy See Ya Later

Papal Peacock XVI to "retire" into hiding:
According to the Vatican’s chief spokesman, the Rev. Federico Lombardi, after the election Benedict will settle in a former cloistered convent inside the Vatican walls, which is currently being renovated.

During a press conference on Monday (Feb. 11), Lombardi said Benedict will “lead a life of prayer,” and will be free to “move and communicate to the public” as he pleases.

But Benedict will probably keep a low profile after his resignation, without running any risk of overshadowing the work of his successor.

If avoiding a blizzard of subpoenas is your objective what could be more congedo maestoso-like than bugging out to a newly renovated cloistered convent inside the Vatican walls? After a brief stop at the lake house to retrieve some towels, flip flops and the canoe with the hand carved St. Sebastian figurehead that is. After that it's like Benito Mussolini "retiring" to L'Hotel Campo Imperatore in 1943. Or Mitt Romney descending from view aboard his Phatom Park car elevator. Grande!

Yet all is not decorous and chaste with the Roman Curia - whether it's rolling naked little boys in olive oil or banishing demons from some godforsaken host or laundering denaro on behalf of the Camorra - the Vatican has plently of holy shit rain on it's collection plate as of late. Hosing down the confessionals each afternoon with bleach and bug sweeps has become it's own dicastery.

None of the recent Vatican related scandal is any secret to Italians but I expect that the press this side of the Atlantic will continue to insist that the Pontifex Maximus is stepping down from the throne due to complications with swollen ankles or varicose veins that no manner of elastic stockings can remedy. These days, a Pope needs to be spry and sure and able to fire up the Avanti P180 turboprop with the remote control on a moments notice in the event of a hostile takeover or an asset forfeiture auction in London or an outbreak of Freemasonry in East Timor. Or something. It's always something.

And while we're on the topic of child molesters...

Reportedly, the Texas GOP has invited rock-n-roll misfire and general all around celebrity low-life Ted Nugent to attend tonight's State Of The Union address. Well, at least runaway teenage girls across Texas can rest a little easier for one night. Maybe the presdident will acknowledge The Noodge by reminding Americans of the presence of the lyricist who implored all of us to selfless public service with these abiding words:
I make the pussy purr with
The stroke of my hand
They know they gettin' it from me
They know just where to go
When they need their lovin' man
They know I do it for free

God bless America. From sea to shining sea.

Or this apparently autobiographical toe tapping ditty:
Well I don´t care if you´re just thirteen
You look too good to be true
I just know that you´re probably clean
There´s one lil' thing I got do to you

Jailbait you look so good to me
Jailbait won´t you set me free
Jailbait you look fine fine fine
I know I´ve got to have you in a matter of time


Wait a minute officer
Don´t put those handcuffs on me
Put them on her and I´ll share her with you!

Live free or die!

Motor City Morons:
So, on Tuesday, February 12, 2013 Ted Nugent will be stroking some purring Teabagger pussy for free. Afterall, the GOP-Tea Party knows where to go when they need some lovin'.

Ted and his SOTU chaperone Rep. Steve Stockman (R-Texas) [both originate from the suburbs of Detroit, Michigan] should make Texas proud. Proud as a peacock.



pansypoo said...

i sincerel hope the SS as the balls to bar ted from the SOTU.

the farmer said...

Looks like Marco Rubio wrote a couple of SNL skits for himself last night. Would have been better if after drinking the water he'd turned sideways and taken a pee on stage while continuing to talk and look at the camera. Then it would have been more like a Funny or Die skit. Missed the Randy Paul Show. Was that any good?


pansypoo said...

i hear he had extra funny hair.

the farmer said...

Randy always looks like somebody just got done swatting him with a rolled up newspaper.

Rubio on the other hand looks like any little dood that might work the front desk at a Marriott. His SOTU response with water bottle was pretty clammy. Like someone giving a nervous video recorded statement to the police after being picked up for soliciting on South Beach.


pansypoo said...

i guess like bachman, he didn't look america in the eye either.
smarmy asshole.

the farmer said...

he didn't look america in the eye either.

looked to me as if his eyes ain't lined up exactly right. one goin one way the other goin another.

aqua budda and the waterboy on the same night. sheesh.