Wednesday, December 14, 2011
SBL Nature Trail
This is a common Red Back Salamander. About 3-5 inches long. At least I'm pretty sure that's what it is. I have many - possibly hundreds of thousands - of these things living in my basement. They are always down there. Year after year, all year long. I have no idea what they do most of the time or what in gods name they find to eat down there. I assume they do not eat mice. But they seem to like it in the basement and thrive happily. As happily a salamander can thrive, I imagine. I've thought of trying to train them to do something but I'm having a hard time thinking of something for them to do that I can't do myself.
I tried to teach them to march around the basement floor in formation like some kind of salamandarian occupation army. I told them stories of giant hellbenders and recounted the legends of the mudpuppy kings. To inspire them. I even made some little flags and banners for them to carry around but that didn't work out to well either. They appear to lack the kind of discipline neccesary for this sort of thing. I was thinking of bringing in a large toad or spotted salamander or possibly a couple of red newts to lead them since they always run away and hide under a wet wood pallet or something like that whenever I command them to assemble for parade duty. Maybe they would listen to their own kind. Then again, maybe not.
Maybe, instead of trying to organize them into a disciplined amphibian army, I'll pick one or two of the best of the bunch and feed them enormous amounts of meal worms dipped in protein mix and see if I can raise a couple of 3-5 foot long salamonsters by next summer. And then I'll train them to climb a step ladder and leap into a kiddie pool full of wet dollar bills.
Or maybe I'll go back to trying to attach little tiny "headlamp" cameras to squirrels. Or maybe I'll take up playing golf in my living room. I could get the hole saw and cut holes through the carpet and floorboards and turn my living room floor into a putting green. So what?
Posted by the farmer at 2:23 AM