Friday, October 14, 2011
Plan 999 from Wingnut Space
Michelle Bachmann's campaign continues to exhale death moans. Even that horrible slippery bottom feeder Ed Rollins escaped the Bachmann kreel for a talking trout gig on MSNBC. It's time for Mr. Bachmann to reel in his woman and teach her some submission before she gambles away all the federal farm subsidies. What would Jesus do?
Rick Perry has raised $17 million which is way too much money to give to some doe-eyed purty-boy dribblehead like Rick Perry. I wouldn't pay Rick Perry 17 dollars to manage a restroom key at a covienence store. He'd fuck it up.
Metrosexual Tex-male eyebrow postiche model Ron Paul managed to sponge up $8 million dollars from Constitution Party followers and other online anal-expulsive frottage who still haven't figured out that Paul is simply an evangelical Christian Reconstructionist version of Pat Buchanan.
Mitt Romney: Think overrated, overpriced office supplies - continues to excite almost no-one anywhere - while simultaneously draining the Republican expense account for his own gain. Mitt Romney is the guy who steals boxes of Bic pens from the storeroom and then requisitions an inventory of the storeroom to determine who is stealing boxes of pens. He's too much of a pussy to steal cars (unlike someone like Darrell Issa) which makes him only marginally acceptable to the GOP's Right Wing base.
Pig-eyed prof/philosopher fraud Newt Ginrich needs to give it all up and go back to writing penny dreadfuls and cheesy sci-fi-spy scripts casting Victoria Jackson in the role of purring sex kitten. The only people in the media who would ever take Newt Gingrich seriously are neoconservative movement paperboys like Wolf Blitzer or John King. The dream is over, for Time magazines 1995 "Man of the Year". Please go away Newt. Please go away, and take and take your little yapping media pocket dogs away with you.
Rick "rodent teeth" Santorum has no chance of ever being elected to anything. Although he might worm his way onto some local woodchuck schoolboard or land a job with an Opus Dei IESE business school somewhere. Whatever. Francisco Franco is still dead.
Herman Cain: The Blackamoor. The Mark of Cain is 999, the inverted 666 - the Mark of the Beast! At least that's what Michelle Bachmann wants us to note! I'm surprised it took her so long to mention it. Actually, I thought Glenn Beck or some similar nutter would roll out the biblical Cain narrative a long time ago. These people are so politically correct.
Who am I forgetting? Jon Huntsman. Who cares. So he has a Harley. Good for him (Union made American bike). Go home and ride your Harley you fucking poser.
Sarah Palin: Hahaha! What a grifter. As expected, Snowmachine Winky scurried back to her Lake Lucille leather sofa to count up her haul of PAC boodle and feed on Crunchy Supremes and fresh clubbed halibut and diet Coke and watch QVC junk-TV in her PJs. Rich Lowry will have to catch his sparkly mesmerizing ride to the summit on the high heels of some other political pole dancing starburst.
Who's left? Jeb Bush? Chuck Baldwin? Glenn Greenwald? That bullyrag grease jocky from New Jersey?
Also: Wall Street sucks. OWS. Banish the snakes from the island.
I'm going back to my basement to drink fermented applesauce.
Posted by the farmer at 11:05 PM