Lord Pink Slippers and Ricky the Digger

(New Hampshire Debate Outtakes)

Here (for whatever it's worth) are a couple of snips from the ABC GOP debate in New Hampshire that I meant to mention but didn't get around to until now.

First, Lord Pink Slippers:

ROMNEY: As you can tell, the people in this room feel that Speaker Gingrich is absolutely right and I do too. And -- and I was in a state where the Supreme Court stepped in and said, marriage is a relationship required under the Constitution for -- for people of the same sex to be able to marry. And John Adams, who wrote the Constitution, would be surprised.

First of all, not only were you in the state, you were the goddamned Governor of the state at the time (2006) you wispy twit. [Also: The Catholic Church closed it's adoption services - "because it won’t accept gay couples" - in Massachusetts in 2006; during the Bush administration.]

Next: Who gives a fuck what John Adams would be surprised about? John Adams died 185 years ago.

John Adams would be surprised by a lot of things. He'd be surprised by airplanes and cellophane and electric alarm clocks. And ride-on lawn mowers and the New England Patriots and vacum packed cheese. Try to explain to John Adams what a web cookie is and how to remove it from a browser cache. I bet that would surprise him too. And you know what else would really surprise John Adams? That a big smug mumbo-jumbo talking Mormon had managed to become the governor of Massachusettes! I bet that would really put the Alien and Sedition Act shit suprise in him. He was, afterall, a Congregationalist.

So can we please shut the fuck up with all the grandiloquent pronouncements on what it is, or what it is not, that the founding fathers would think, or approve of, or be surprised by. Not just because it doesn't really matter all that much to people living today but also because many of the people who make these kinds of observations are, like Mitt Romney, supercilious boobs who have no idea what someone living 200 miles away thinks, cares about, or would be surprised by, let alone informing us on the opinions of people who stopped being surprised by anything at all nearly 200 years ago.

And then there's this little bit of dress up from Ricky "the digger" Santorum

SANTORUM: [...] And I -- and I stood firm on those and worked, actually, in the coal fields, if you will, against this idea that we needed a cap and trade program.

Oh yeah. Ricky worked, if you will, in the coal fields. Above is a photo of - if you will - the coal mine Ricky worked in. It's called the Consol Enegry Incorporated (coal and natural gas) headquarters "mine" in Southpointe PA. I'll bet riding the scary lobbyist elevator to the top floor boardroom of the Consol Energy Inc. "mine" was pretty dangerous tiring work even for a hard scrabble coal field worker, if you will, like Rick Santorum. Sure it was.

Newt Gingrich may be the Kenny Powers of big league government foreign and domestic policy but at least he's put some genuine effort into his preposterous act over the years. These other two, Romney and Santorum, are just shameless get-rich-quick "success story" frauds and posers. Not that I'm surprised.

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SBL Campaign Spoor - New Hampshire

Rick Santorum, dressed like some kind of nerd chic Spanish falangist, campaigned in New Hampshire on Thursday. Santorum visited Concord where he managed to make a frothy a-hole of himself in front of a bawdy student audience that, upon his conclusion:

lustily booed as he exited stage right. (NPR)

What's a chaste Catholic integralist supposed to do with a mob of intractable 17 year old high school tarts who want to turn traditional marriage into some kind of pederastic Greek orgy? Never any sharia law around when ya need it.


Moving along...

Newt Gingrich's zombie candidacy staggered into New Hampshire at 3am, tipped over a bellman's cart, and killed all the front desk clerks at the Holiday Inn. Gingrich, gurgling and sputtering and spitting out several of his own dead teeth, proceeded to threaten to devour Mr. Romney's internal organs, drown the rest of the Romney family in the blood, and throw their twitching bodies into the lake in front of their stately Squish Manor country estate unless Romney and his pampered brood agreed to secure the dog to the roof of their Gulfstream II and fly back to France or Mexico or Salt Lake City or wherever in hell it is they came from in the first place.


I doubt Newty's walking dead threat will have much impact at this point. Although that crazy newspaper in New Hampshire has endorsed his latest awakening. Neverthless, for Gingrich, a man who has shacked up with as many religions as he has wives, there is little left to hope for and nothing left to lose at this point. So I expect him to continue terrorizing the population no matter how much gore spills into the streets and to possibly even roll into Florida as an Orthodox Jew. Who knows, he may even get remarried sometime between now and South Carolina. Is Victoria Jackson hitched?


Meanwhile, Mitt Romney, reposing safely in his secretive lakeside panic room at Squish Manor, consults with his other Mitt Romneys on which Mitt Romney crash test dummy will be dispatched in the immediate future to test the campaign's overall impact throughout New Hampshire.


Live Tax Free or Die in Monaco!
Mr. Romney, responding with quickened air hungry gasps, still refuses to release his tax returns when asked to do so. Most likely because he left them in a desk drawer in one of his many majestic country homes scattered across our amber wave of baronial acres or because, maybe, he has no idea what a tax return is in the first place.

But as soon as he finds out what it is and what people are asking for to begin with he will release them. Whatever they are. If in fact they need to be released or not. Or perhaps, sadly, have escaped on their own to somewhere like the Caymen Islands where they cannot be reached by phone. Or something.


In other candidate news:
Dr. Ron Paul visited the Portsmouth Naval Station where he declared the White Mountain National Forest unconstitutional and demanded the immediate trial or release of all German U-Boat crews still being held in the Portsmouth Naval Prison. Later in the afternoon Dr. Paul and a small entourage of campaign aides panned for gold along the Ammonoosuc River near Bath where a young admirer hunting Fisher Cats mistook the seemingly cuddly old fool for the famous hillbilly moonshiner Popcorn Sutton.

When the candidate explained who he was and asked the young feller if he would vote for him in the upcoming primary he responded that he would think about it but it seemed kind of suspicious voting for someone with two first names who didn't live around these parts and was standing next to a burning U-Haul trailer full of combustible newsletters. But he'd check into it nevertheless.

Ok, that's all for now from the campaign trail in New Hampshire, the Magna Carta State.

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Happy New Year!

Music Vid: Linda McRae with Audrey Auld singing Poverty Line.
Go on have a listen. It'll only take a minute and thirty eight seconds:




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